i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
