I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
