I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
