I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
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Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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