He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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