So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
