dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
