it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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