You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
