Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
