i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
