Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
