She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I forgot how hot balto sounded
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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