there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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