I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
