You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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