Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
