I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
