I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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