Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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