thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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