Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
