Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
