Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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