i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
