please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
