she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
