didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
