ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
4 words: hood of his car
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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