I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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