there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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