Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize