She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
