I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
