The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
