I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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