I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
