my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
