i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
