If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
