I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
