someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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