I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
