I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
