i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
