I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
