wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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