Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
