Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
