Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
