If i come over, it means nothing
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
