Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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