Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
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Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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