you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
