Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
