it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
