anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
