I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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