I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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