You smell like a Billy Joel song
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
