and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
