Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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