what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
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the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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