so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
