ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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