He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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