You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
