My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
