Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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