I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize