My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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