Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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