I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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