is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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