I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's never too late to be topless.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
