We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Moan for me like Helen Keller
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
