Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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