UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
