my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
