I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
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Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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