Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
