we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm at about main and main street
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
