Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
